Table of Contents
10. The First electric car wins the Indy 500.
Team ECO crosses the finish line with a packed car of other drivers who were carpooling.
9. Zach Wilson gets a restraining order from MetLife Stadium.
Jet fans win an injunction to keep Zach from even watching any home games.
8. The Paris Summer Olympics makes Singing an official Olympic sport.
Miley Cyrus and Lizzo will round out the US Olympic Team and begin training in earnest.
7. Peyton Manning will become Speaker of the House.
By summer it will be official but will not make the news as it will be the least crazy thing happening in DC.
6. The Houston Astros hire the first robot manager.
This is only discovered when they are accused of cheating, again, after winning 113 straight games and their manager giving very strange post-game interviews.
5. The least surprising sport trend for 2023 will be Fantasy Pickle-ball.
It will surpass all other sports for gambling and be the second most played sport on the moon, after golf.
4. As a matter of fact, tennis will become totally extinct.
The #1 pickle ball player will become Rafael Nadal. The top female player will be Salma Hayek.
3. Patrick Mahomes Retires During Halftime of the Super Bowl
Mahomes sees his wife spraying champagne on fans again and goes completely off-the-grid, leading a nomadic lifestyle throughout the United States.
2. Fights break out during the Masters.
The PGA throws down arms with the LIV tour with hand-to-hand combat using wedges and drivers to bash each other over the head.
1. The biggest sports story of 2023 will be Elon Musk buys Major League Baseball.
He immediately fires all the umpires and games are played on the honor system. They even take away the foul lines—every ball is in play. Every game is protested. Half the teams have animatronic infielders. It’s a mess.